That'll Teach You

Whenever we suffer misfortune, the first thing on our minds is WHY.

Why me? Why now? Why do bad things happen when I'm trying to do everything right? Don't tell me you've never thought one of these things. I've said them all, continue to say them, and will say them again next time something goes wrong.

It's natural to believe there is cause and effect in play or to seek some sort of reason in the mess. We wonder what we did to deserve the misfortune. Or else, we wonder if the Universe, God, or whatever power we believe controls our life, is trying to tell us something.

Human though it may be, assuming we have brought bad luck to our door is a dangerous way to think. I firmly believe in a balance, and that what we do affects others and may return to us in time. However, I can't assume that the cause and effect are always so straightforward and easy to see. While we can benefit from examining our actions for clues, our misfortunes aren't always linked to something we've done wrong. There are just too many intersecting lines of causes in our world to know which careening particles of Fate have crashed into our own. Sometimes, you just end up in a mess for no discernible reason.

In addition, this tendency to assume our bad luck is punishment can blind us to the suffering of others. The pattern sets us up to also assume that when others have bad luck, it's because they deserve it. We judge them, however unconsciously, and rank them lower in perceived favour of the Universe. But we all suffer, and often there is nobody to blame and nothing to be gained by seeking a culprit. The exercise itself is destructive to the fabric of society. Assigning value to others can never end well.

This does not mean that it is useless to ask WHY. If a cause of the misfortune is clear and a solution apparent, asking why can lead to a very positive outcome. Though assigning blame is rarely useful, every problem is an opportunity for those positive outcomes. We can look for lessons in every misfortune.

Nobody can really know if we receive messages or lessons from some greater power. Rather, most people know, positively, that one side or the other of the argument is true. They base their conviction on solid, logical proof in their own experiences, but ultimately it all comes down to faith. Even those who wrap themselves up in the comfort of science and logic are engaging in a type of faith. Every argument can be picked apart by believers on the opposite side of the line. But whether the messages and lessons were intentional is really irrelevant. Asking what we can learn from misfortune is a way of transforming a negative event into something positive.

Sometimes the lessons are our own, but there are other times when the only way we can make sense of it is to assume that we have participated in another's lesson. This weekend, I was involved in another car accident. This one was fairly minor; a neighbor backed out of his driveway into my car as I passed. And the first thing I asked was WHY. I wasn't speeding. I had no reason to believe he was unaware of my car. There was no way I could stop or swerve enough to avoid the impact. Aside from "stuff happens-accept it," there seemed to be no lesson in it for me. Yet as I thought, I realized this young man, so preoccupied with his own busy schedule that he let himself make the mistake, could have as easily backed into a passing child or pulled out in front of a vehicle moving much faster than mine. As it was, nobody was hurt. Damages were not as severe as they could have been. It may be that this little fender-bender early in his driving experience will be the thing that makes him avoid more serious consequences in the future.

I guess that is the core of the lesson in this one. What we perceive as senseless misfortunes at first may be positive experiences in the end. A little bad luck may be sparing us a bigger sorrow, and there is always something to learn even if we're only answering our own questions.

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