Because

There are a hundred stupid little rules in our house.  Our son declared this the other day after learning the drink he had left open in the fridge had been discarded.  The no-open-drinks-in-the-fridge rule had been instituted (or rather, re-instituted, as it has come and gone in our house before) after too many times the fridge needed emptying and scrubbing when some forgotten cup of stale, sticky pop had been knocked over.  Warnings were declared just a few weeks past, so when the open can of iced tea glared at me one morning as I opened the refrigerator door, I promptly removed it to the sink.  Following a conversation with my husband, the half-filled can was poured out.  Having been warned of the consequences, he reasoned, our son's open drink was forfeit.

Our son wasn't too happy about that, and protested when he was reminded of the rule.  He was frustrated at what he perceived as all the unimportant things that he's required to take seriously.  Part of it is the natural desire for independence that kicks into gear when you reach your late teens and early twenties, that innate urge to fly away and make your own nest (where you can keep all sorts of open drinks in the fridge until you have to deal with the consequences yourself.)  In addition to that, though, the perception of triviality is partly to blame for his dissatisfaction.

Every household has a set of stupid little rules.  They're not serious laws, but more of a collection of practices and methods of doing things that are designed to make life easier for all the residents.  They develop over time, usually in response to accidents or failures, the natural outcome of reflection on consequences.  But consequences aren't always easy to see when things are running smoothly, and they're not always taken to heart when the fallout isn't yours to deal with.

Part of the blame is ours for not making those consequences clear to our son.  Most of the time, we only say, "we do it this way," and leave the BECAUSE unsaid.  So, sensible guidelines get taken as nitpicking attempts to control his behavior, and he doesn't stop to notice there is a BECAUSE behind every rule.

...Spread the wet towels over the shower bar

             BECAUSE wads of wet towel left on the floor grow mildew.

...Don't keep food in your bedroom

             BECAUSE it invites mice.

...Dirty utensils go in a basket next to the sink

            BECAUSE the ones left in the bottom of the sink tend to get bent when dishes are stacked on top of them.

I don't think the rules at our house are unnecessarily strict because I see the reasoning behind them.  Unfortunately, most of us don't completely "get" consequences until we own them ourselves.  Young people have to grow into an appreciation of rules through their own experience.  Doing the dishes regularly has given our son an appreciation for rinsing dishes right after use (BECAUSE they don't get crusty while waiting to be washed,) so, there's no reason to believe the logic won't sink in when he's off on his own.

That young men are afflicted with a certain blindness to consequences is a fact of life.  It's contributed to great tales of heroism throughout history as well as quite a few tales of missing fingers.  But we all learn from experience.

So, as usual, I ask myself what can I learn from this experience?  That our son could benefit from cleaning up the next spilled soda is obvious.  More, there is another, more personal layer:  that what I expect him to understand, I should consider myself.  There is a BECAUSE behind every rule.

Nobody likes being told what to do.  Nobody.  My natural inclination is always to push against an order.  Ask, and I'll give you anything.  Tell me, and I dig in my heels.  I recognize that stubborn quality controls me as much as any order, so sometimes I need to pause and consider the unspoken BECAUSE.  True, there are times when that BECAUSE turns out to be just "BECAUSE I have control issues and I like to boss people around," but even that gives you insight into a situation.  Calm reflection can only help, and my actions will be controlled by the facts involved rather than by whether the source had the subtlety to ask instead of tell.  Then, I can guide myself toward the right decision BECAUSE.