Guess Who

From birth, we are all on a quest to figure out who we are and what we're doing here. We start by exploring simple physical things. How do hands work? What does that taste like? We stare at shapes and colors that catch our eye. We touch things and test our muscles. We play with sand and water to understand how the world works. Infancy and early childhood are a series of experiments that increase our knowledge of our bodies. In short, we define ourselves in the physical world.

At some point, we become aware of a less tangible realm, and instinctively, we begin to explore in the same fashion. "Who am I" takes on a whole new dimension. Religion, philosophy, culture, history, all are new ways to contemplate our existence. What do I like? What do I believe? Who do I love? These become the focus of our journey, and the answers to these questions shift even for the most steadfast. We waver between accepting the traditional identity offered by family or society's expectations and the new future offered in rebellion from the norm. Where we stand, and how firmly, on that scale depends on innumerable factors like age, geography and experiences both common and unique. We observe traits in others we admire and copy them for our own, making them truly ours by means of repeated imitation. We weed out the habits or qualities we see as harmful.

The process never really ends. There is no one golden way to be, as much as we strive toward that goal of refining and defining the self. Though discovering our identity, truly knowing ourselves, may be an unending quest, the seeking is nonetheless human. It's what we do. Every one of us has a need to be who we are and be accepted for who we are. The desire drives most of our actions on a very basic level. I've talked before about the need to belong to something, a family, a club, or even a self-applied label, and I think that all stems from this urge to be seen and recognized and loved. The popularity of social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook is a testament to this as well. They are as much about declaring identity as they are about connecting with others. We need to be able to look into one another's eyes and know that we resonate. We see this need fulfilled when we hear someone describe true love with terms like "he really gets me" or "it's like she knows what I'm thinking."

Yet for all of this, we are still afraid of falling short. We need to be really seen, but we want to be accepted, too. So we wear masks to varying degrees. We protect ourselves from the rejection, assuming we won't measure up or just not wanting to take the chance. And all the while, the hidden pieces still clamor for that exposure and acceptance. The truth is, most of us are far richer souls than anyone will ever realize.

There is, of course, some sadness in recognizing this truth, but there is practical wisdom to be gained as well. Nobody will ever know you completely, so it's logical that you will never know another completely as well. What you perceive from the glimpses you see of the people in your life is only a glimmer of the radiance beneath. The old axiom is all the more apparent, you can't judge a book by its cover. Given the freedom to discard their masks, strangers and friends look more alike than you might anticipate. When we accept this fact, we can recognize and respect that hidden richness in every person.

Acceptance also provides opportunity. The people in your life want to be seen and loved as much as you do. By cultivating that sense of acceptance, you invite them to reveal more of themselves. By offering safety, you may build closer relationships and discover new things about yourself, as well. Understanding others is a step toward understanding ourselves just as understanding ourselves helps us to understand others. The circle turns and rolls us all closer to our goal.

In defining ourselves and our place, whether in the physical world or the spiritual, we use the lexicon of our observations. The more we observe, the better able to put our finger on just who we are. I'm sure we've all surprised ourselves when thrown into a new situation, and every such incident leads to a new line in our self portrait, however minor. Every new revelation is a new clue on our eternal quest, and every human being gets a measure of satisfaction from sneaking up behind himself, covering his eyes and asking "Guess Who?"