Inviting Serendipity

"What are we having for dinner?" he asks.

"I hadn't planned anything. Who are we feeding?"

"It's just us tonight."

"Oh, we should be able to throw something together from what we have lying around. There's leftovers from earlier in the week and some canned stuff..."

"Hmm. I'm kinda hungry now. Do you want to order a pizza or go out?"

"That would be OK, I guess."

"OK, pizza or restaurant?"

"What do you feel like?"

"I asked you. What do you want?"

"I don't know. What do you feel like having?"

"I don't know. You want Italian or Chinese or something else?"

"Anything is fine."

"Fine? Not great? What do you really want?"

"Seriously, anything is fine. It's all good."

"But what do you want? Something has to be better than the rest. Pick a restaurant."

>sigh< "Well, I guess we'll want to go someplace close if you're hungry..."

"Just pick what you want; don't worry about me."

"It really doesn't matter to me; so, why shouldn't I consider what you want?"

"Because I asked you. So where do you feel like going?"

"Look, I was fine just cooking here. You're the one who wanted to go out."

"OK, so let's eat here."

"Fine. I'll look at what we've got and start something right away."

"So, you want to go to a movie after we eat?"

"OK."

"What do you want to see?"

This is what passes for arguments in my house. I am accused of indecisiveness or a meekness that subordinates my own desires in favor of pleasing others. I disagree.

To answer the first charge, I have little trouble deciding what or where to eat on my own. As for the second, when I have a clear preference, I speak it. Most of the time, I'm open to whatever option comes my way. I tend not to have clear favorites, but rather, I have learned to appreciate things for their own unique qualities. In absence of a strong opinion, I see nothing wrong with indulging the preferences of others. Chances are, I'm not the pickiest one in any given group, so why shouldn't we all be happy?

But, there's another layer to the behavior that few people perceive. This is not all as selfless as it seems because what I really desire most is serendipity. I crave those moments when the sunlight breaks through, when your spirit unfolds to welcome something or someone new into your world. You just can't reach something totally new if you're making all the decisions. When you're entirely in control, your experiences are limited to what you know or what you can imagine based on what you know. When you open yourself up to input from others, you have a chance to know something you could never know alone. You're inviting serendipity.

I don't have a favorite restaurant - the right one tonight is the one I don't know yet or the one I had forgotten about. I don't have a favorite song - play me one I haven't heard. Let me steep in your world a while. Let a little of you color me, and if you're open too, maybe you can enjoy a little of my hue.

Variety is my favorite.

Unexpected is my favorite.

And I fall in love, instantly, with anyone who can teach me something new.

Show me something I don't know.

Take me somewhere I've never been.

Surprise me.

You can't make serendipity happen. All you can do is step out in the current with your eyes closed and hope that it brushes against you. Relinquishing control, being open to the surprises that come your way, leads to new growth. That's the kind of thing that makes me really happy.

There's a reason I married a man who wakes me up by singing silly random songs about whatever crosses his mind, even if he can't understand why I leave some choices up to him. I'm just inviting serendipity.