Social

We've all heard it's not polite to discuss politics or religion.  If you're trying to avoid conflict, (and it's generally a good thing in polite conversation,) it makes sense.  People have very strong opinions on those subjects, and despite what you hear about the modern trend of political polarization in America, this is nothing new.  People have always been passionate about the subject, and some have started arguments, riots, or wars over political opinion all through history.  The same goes for matters of religion.  Why do you think we developed that rule for polite conversation?

The problem is not that people have become more extreme about their positions but that we have become more aware of others' positions.  Without our social media tableaux of opinion, we might blithely go about assuming that our friends, neighbours, or even family must think the way we do.  Because the rules of social media etiquette are less solid than those of conventional small talk and there is a measure of anonymity in not looking someone in the eye when you speak, we tend to see all the ideas our contacts espouse- good and bad.  And human thought is startlingly diverse.  If you engage in social media, you will see things that are ugly, stupid, dangerous, and wrong just as much as you see what is good, virtuous, beautiful, and true.  Many might say that's what's wrong about social media.  We'd rather be blind to the ugliness under our polite exteriors.  But I think that such deeply felt opinions deserve to be explored.  In fact, they need to be dug up and turned over in order to discover the truths in some very important issues.  Ideas need to be shared and challenged because when things are kept under the masks, we don't really think enough about the things we think.

There is a great outcry to keep social media uncluttered by posts or comments that make one uncomfortable.  I can agree to some point.  Pictures of cute babies and animals (and especially cute baby animals) are always welcome in my feed, and the stories that demonstrate people are still kind, generous, and joyful are important to share.  There was a time when I kept mostly to that rule of not discussing politics or religion because of the potential to stir up trouble.  I didn't engage with those who did, however cruel or factually deficient the opinion might be.  I recognized that those sorts of comments were not representative of the whole person, that they might be temporary ideas, misinterpreted jokes, or just not well thought out.  There were even times when I had to hide the comments of a friend or relative in order to avoid losing respect for them.  I assume many other social media users were employing a similar strategy to keep their social media polite and conversational.  But, you're never going to control others' content or behaviour in these situations.  Inevitably, firebombs of opinion tossed out as jokes or statements by people who assumed everyone must agree with their passionate hate of a politician or some other group proliferated in this new social space.  These initiators might be cheerleading for some unexamined cause that struck them viscerally to prompt the comment, or else they might be saying something controversial because they like to provoke or like to seem as if they're smarter just because they reject a commonly held opinion.  There are all sorts of personalities that cultivate the tendency to post aggressively.   So, for a while the incendiary comments went mostly unchecked, but just as when you hear a party guest hurling such nonsense, eventually, patience wears thin and somebody counters.

Too long, hateful comments went unopposed by polite users, and we started to see the consequences of normalizing it.  Those who might otherwise have calmly and privately thought through the negative ideas and rejected them have those things reinforced by the cheerleaders and are emboldened when what they voice is calmly accepted.  They no longer have to think too deeply about an opinion because they have instant affirmation or at least tacit approval.  This is why it is absolutely essential to have conflict on social media.

It's common now for psychologists to talk about the negative impact of conflicts on social media.  It's generally accepted that social media is less civil, less kind, and is contributing to the erosion of society.  These are certainly important observations, but the answer isn't as simple as damning the platform.  That instinct is little more than our innate suspicion and lack of trust for what is new.  Instead, we need to move forward to embrace and understand this new thing for what it is becoming and what it could be.  It's no longer just another means of conducting polite small talk.  It can be a tool to have true conversations about things that matter and things that are uncomfortable.  Society operates by exploring ideas.  We throw something out there and test it.  Some ideas are recognized for their merit in society, and some are found to be negative or harmful.  As in any debate, these social media "arguments" are less about converting the opponent to one's point of view and more about displaying a subject to the audience from all sides so that they can make well informed opinions of their own.  We just need to find a way to do that with less acrimony, and we need to stop taking these arguments so personally.

We don't have a lot of practice with this.  Social media is a new animal, and the way we use it has been evolving even in the short time it has been around.  But rather than avoiding the things we're passionate about discussing, the things that need to be considered deeply and understood, we need to change the way we react and the way we think about these mental explorations.  Although the writing gives these ideas a sense of permanence, we should remember that someone who posts today's opinion may not feel the same about it next year (or even tomorrow), especially if that idea is out on the platform to be challenged and discussed.  They may be posting something just to present a side of an issue that hasn't been considered, to play "devil's advocate" or to prompt an opposite reaction.  They may be stubbornly clinging to an opinion because they have trouble admitting publicly when they are wrong.  (Or maybe they're actually right.)  We need to practice some balance.  Call out a contrary opinion with facts and logic.  Don't allow hate to fester unanswered.  But also, don't allow what you read in your feed to do permanent damage.  We are constantly called upon to see the things we don't like in people and love them anyway.  This is true in face to face interactions, and it's especially true where people feel free to express their more internal thoughts and impulses.

We all need a break from the conflict now and then.  That's why it's good that we can also use this tool to spread positive stories, to share news with our friends and families, and smile at the cute baby animals.  But to expect social media to be free of politics or arguments over opinion is to deny part of its fundamental nature.  It is social.  If you want to be free from conflict, there are ways to shelter yourself from upsetting ideas.  Listen to some mindless pop music or take in a fluff movie like a romantic comedy or some light action.  There are modes of  entertainment that avoid conflict, but "social" is not a part of them.  "Social" is people relating to each other, people with varying experiences and opinions.  We exchange ideas, argue even, and it's all what helps us find our way in the world.

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